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Brother, Can You Spare A Stamp?

Submitted by Anonymous on March 15, 2009 - 11:02pm.

Brother, Can You Spare A Stamp?
by
Pam Amado and Carl Imboden
(two beleaguered postal workers)

Hello, Dear Reader.

You've probably received this letter because you know a postal worker. It's a bad time to work for the United States Postal Service (USPS), because electronic communication and a downsliding economy are reducing the mail stream while postal managers simultaneously scheme to replace us with machines. They'll even use machines that don't deliver mail as well as we do, provided the machine is cheaper than we are.

We're hoping you'll do a few things to help us extend our employment and make our culture's transition to a paperless society more gradual and orderly than the current headlong rush. For our sake, will you please attempt to do some or all of the following actions?

1) Always purchase your stamps directly from the Post Office. Buying them from a supermarket or other retailer helps end a postal clerk's job. If you can't tolerate the lines at your local postal station, (We don't like them either, because understaffing or misassigned relief clerks usually cause them.), please purchase your stamps by mail. The "Stamps by Mail" form is always available at your local postal branch and sometimes available from your mail carrier. The form is easy to complete and costs nothing to submit. Please don't order stamps by phone from Stamp Fulfillment Services because the telephone operation is subcontracted to non-USPS employees.

2) Whenever you mail something that requires a visit to your local station, please politely insist on working with a human being instead of that boxy, automated computer thingy.

3) If you shop by catalog or on the internet, please request that your purchases be delivered by the USPS; we love bringing you your stuff.

4) Please monitor your personal accounts and pay your bills through the mail. Send paper and demand paper statements in return; it makes the entire process much more real (although, we're sorry to say, no less annoying).

5) Finally, if letters and cards warm your heart, please send more of them. Texting is fine for "Pls get bred mlk egs on way hm OK?:)" and E-Mail is great for artless business communication, but only a personal letter can uplift your soul.

Thank you for your continued support. Your trust in us to convey your hopes and dreams makes our vocation worthwhile; it means the world to us to deliver the world to you.

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